Monogamy

So God has a wicked sense of humor. That's good. I look for that in a goddess, god or other deity. See here's the deal: (s)he made us monogamous... mostly.

When animals are looking for partners, they "fall in love" in a very real biological way involving all kinds of neurotransmitters and hormones, the upshot of which is that they want to seek out a mate. Their brain makes sure they do. The ones whose brains didn't, never bothered reproducing. Why reproduce when you can lay down in the savana, eat fermented fruit, laugh at the funny monkeys and sleep. Those ones aren't around anymore.

A monogamous animal (I think I recall hearing that geese were such) has a brain that "falls in love" until they find a partner. Once they pair-bond, their brain simply no longer responds that way to new potential mates. If their mate dies, they simply live alone the rest of their lives, lacking the basic biochemical motivation to find a mate.

A polygamous animal, as most mammals are (think "dog"), is generally always looking for new partners with whom to share DNA. Their brain is always (subject to fertility for females) responding favorably to new potential mates by dumping neurotransmitters and ordering up some yummy hormones to drive the body to do its thing.

Both of the above groups of animals are perfectly content.

We're in the middle. Our brains order us to fall in love, we dutifully do so and remain in that state long enough (6-7 years I've read, they've done studies it seems) to reproduce and get past the most vulnerable age of a child. During this time, most people who are really "in love"are not interested in other potential new mates. Yes I know, there are exceptions. They gaze lovingly into their partner's eyes and gush the kind of sappy stuff of my last post. Hey, they mean it too. Then eventually, the feelings go away and they are left with a roommate, friend (hopefully), partner. Their brain then again becomes open to the suggestion of falling in love and will happily dump it's happy-juice when the opportunity seems right. The survival advantage from our DNA's point of view is indisputable.

So what's the problem? Well the problem for us humans is this strong societal notion of monogamy as a really important and inviolable rule. It makes sense: if couples stay together, it leads to more stable and thus successful societies. Survival rates are higher for the members of those societies. Everyone wins. Regrettably, society has only been around for a few tens of thousands of years. Our brains missed the memo. Our brains are still trying to maximize the individual's reproductive advantage.

So here we are, we're screwed (ha!).