I mentioned earlier how my life seems to have taken on, well, a life of its own. I seem to be a spectator of my own life. In that context, it was a completely normal weekend...
I worked all weekend, didn't get to go to church, which was disappointing. We got to spend evenings together though, and still got some good family time in. My oldest is getting used to the idea of separation, and the calmness with which we are discussing and planning it seems to be helping. We are treating this like a big adventure, which it kind of is. House shopping is always hopeful and exciting.
My wife reiterated the very amusing and flattering idea that I will be entertaining an endless stream of women the moment she leaves. It's very sweet: she seems convinced that I am so irresistible that I will be overwhelmed by suitors knocking on my door. It cracks me up, although I would love to share that view of myself.
We made an offer on a "used" house, and priced out floor plans of new construction with the builder's sales guy. If our offer is rejected, we will either start construction right away or try to get a good deal on an already-built new house. We'll have bought two houses in one year, and moved 4 times in 18 months. The house we made an offer on is about 0.3 miles from "my" house. It is small, nice, very well maintained and landscaped. My wife likes it, which is what matters.
My wife told her Mom about our situation. People's reactions are almost always the same, I'm getting good at predicting it. They assume that I (the guy) have been fooling around, that I have found someone else, that I am moving out, that my wife is keeping the kids, that I am paying child support/alimony. They always advise you to lawyer-up and "be very careful". There are very few exceptions to this reaction.
In fact, every separation/divorce, like every marriage, is completely unique. Just as our marriage was different than most, our separation is likely to be too. A relationship cannot be described from the outside. External observers, even those very close to you, see so little of what actually happens in a marriage that their understanding of it is very partial, biased by their own experience and perspective. We all tend to assume a certain universality of experience, in fact nothing like that exists.
Well, off to another exciting week.
Take care everyone.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The ongoing saga of my life, my search for meaning and happiness.
3 comments:
Ok, here's a follow-up.
Within an hour of each other, my wife got a (good) job and the sellers of the house we put an offer on accepted it.
We then went to our "marriage counseling" session and negotiated the nitty-gritty details of our separation: kids, money, pets, insurance. It was very congenial and happy.
We're closing on my wife's house in two weeks. She hopes to be done moving in 4-6 weeks, so by the time school lets out in early June.
God, this seems surreal.
Just quick update. We have a closing date on my wife's house: Friday, April 18. We then move her over the weekend and she starts work on Monday, April 21.
She may not actually be done moving that Monday, but withing a couple weeks, she should be.
God, this is moving fast.
I feel like I am alive again. At this moment (and it could change rapidly), I feel so happy, relieved, hopeful. The end is near. One way or another, we will be starting over.
Post a Comment