Friends

Ok, so this is some sort of writing frenzy. Three blog entries in the space of 16 hours or so. I don't care, it makes me happy and it's cheaper than heroine.

I recently had the opportunity to be a friend to a friend. You know, one of those moments when you are able to help someone in a way that means something to them. You are are the person they call when they need someone and you are able to be there for them. You know what I mean, you've done the same. The act of giving of yourself is tremendously rewarding, it feels like nothing else. It connects you to the person you are giving to even more than that act connects them to you. I think that act of giving, in a real sense, is love and intimacy.

Think about this: is there any moment of purer love and intimacy than when you are able to give something to your child and see their eyes light up? I'm not talking about material stuff, but maybe when you say you'll take them to the park, or library, or play a game with them, expend something that really costs you and they know it: your time, attention, energy. They look at you and they feel your love, physically, viscerally. In that moment, they are certain you love them because you gave of yourself to them. Kids know everything that matters, we adults sometimes forget.

Do you want to know how I know my Dad loves me? It's very simple: when I was in high school, I had to catch the bus at 5:45AM. My Dad, who didn't really have to get up till 8 or so would wake up at 5:00 every bloody day, wake me up, make me coffee and breakfast, pack me a lunch, give me a hug and send me out the door. If I missed the bus, he would drive me to intercept it at a later stop. To this day, as I type, this brings tears to my eyes. That man loved me. In addition to being my Dad, he was a true friend.

The act of giving is the essence of what binds us together as people. I can be said to love my children, spouse and friends when I give of myself to them and the act of giving cements the bond between us. As it is reciprocated, the bond grows. Conversely, if that act is not reciprocated or it is taken advantage of, more being taken than was offered, the love is lost, killed.

On a somewhat tangential note, I think the connection I mentioned above is what we are all actually ultimately seeking in our adult relationships. As adults, we pursue romance and sex, partially driven by Darwinian and pleasure-seeking urges, but also largely, perhaps mostly in pursuit of that emotionally intimate connection. I think we are missing the boat in some sense. Isn't what we really want just that sense of bonding to another person?I think we are really yearning for the connection that comes from the simple love of a true unconditional love, born of mutual dedication to the other person and their happiness. We are merely distracted by that other stuff.

I love someone because I will do anything, sacrifice anything for them and their happiness. They love me because they will do and sacrifice anything for me and my happiness. Doesn't that pretty much summarize things?

It's so simple. How do we forget?