Yesterday was one of the most interesting days I have had in a long time. I am still reeling from it.
I went to pick up my race packet for Nike's 'Human Race', a world-wide synchronized 10K race I am running today. On the way back I stopped by my favorite dive-bar and had a couple gin and tonics, the drink of the gods.
As I was about to leave a couple guys sat down at the other end of the bar. A couple minutes later another guy came and sat on the only seat left, next to me. The four of us began talking, and lo and behold, we had all been divorced, 3 of us recently or soon-to-be, one a couple years ago. All of us had our wives cheat on us. We talked for a while and then went elsewhere, where we met up with a 5th guy. Turns out he is also recently divorced, his wife having cheated on him too.
When I spoke to them, I didn't say much, I told them I was a couple weeks away from being divorced, that my wife had cheated on me and that it had been hard. Nothing more. I didn't need to. They knew me. They knew what I had felt, what I was feeling then, what I was thinking. The phase of emotions I was going through, what I needed, what I was looking for. They instantly knew everything I have been trying to express in this blog and to my friends for the last 6 months. They got me in ways no one had to date.
It turns out the insanity, depression and pain I felt over these last few months is completely normal. One guy didn't work for a year, and lived in his walk-in closet for 3 months. He spent an hour staring at a loaded gun, trying to figure out what to do with it. He drove his motorcycle at top speed, over 100 mph, for a long time, as I did, not caring what happened. Another guy had to take Xanax to cope with the (misplaced) guilt, depression and anger. All of them hit the bottle and other stuff hard. All of them are still not "over" their ex, they are still reeling from the loss, despite having had many relationships since.
It turns out none of their ex-spouses had any problems "moving on". As soon as they separated, their ex's picked up new serious relationships and never looked back, just like mine did. One guy's ex remarried 30 days after they divorced, 60 days after they filed for divorce. None of their ex's have any remorse, any regrets, any difficulty moving on, even the three who were married 15 years.
It was like discovering a posse of clones. We got each other. It was weird and magical and more comforting and validating than I know how to express.
I am not over it and it's alright, I'm normal. I'll be ok.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
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2 comments:
You're doing a race? Good for you on keeping with the goals you set!
Coach Joni Peschman, CPC
Yeah, I ran it last Sunday. It was hard, but really fun.
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